Positive Prevention of Unnecessary Conflict

Positive action you can take to prevent unnecessary conflict.

Evaluate, Prepare and Express

The evaluation can help if you want to avoid wasting energy on a lost cause. No amount of considerateness, care or reasoning can overcome the desire to maintain a belief. And no one performing for an audience wants to be corrected or educated.

0. Evaluate

• Does the other person seem to have a desire to maintain their belief?
• Do they seem interested in learning, or displaying their righteousness or intelligence?

1. Prepare

• What's important to you? What are your priorities?
• Get clear on your intention and goal.
• Consider assumptions, ambiguity and counter-arguments.
• Consider reasons for/against and evidence/counter-evidence.

2. Express

• Use specific terms or clarify meanings.
• Note the experiences and evidence that shaped your stance.
• Frame claims as subjective and provisional.
• State intentions explicitly.
• Ask questions rather than point out errors.
• Help the other person save face.
• Let small lapses in courtesy slide when possible.

S.I.G.N.A.L.

• State your Specifics (replace vague language; share observations).
• Intentions declared (yours) and inquired (theirs).
• Ground your stance in lived Gut-level experiences and supporting evidence.
• Needs / priorities named.
• Ask, don’t accuse (questions over error-pointing; ignore petty slights).
• Link back to the Larger goal to stay on track.

Honesty

(Be open about what is driving your view.)

• Describe the experiences that shaped your perspective.
• Describe the observations or data you treat as evidence.
• Frame your claims as provisional: “From my angle this seems true, but I could be missing something.”
• State your intentions and invite theirs: “Here’s what I’m hoping to achieve—how about you?”
• Name your underlying needs, preferences, standards, or priorities.

Lucidness

(Make the conversation easy to follow.)

• Replace vague or ambiguous terms with concrete wording, or briefly explain what you mean.
• Keep sight of the shared goal: remind yourself and the other person why the discussion matters.
• Ask clarifying questions instead of declaring errors when something sounds off; it surfaces misunderstandings without derailing flow.

Considerateness

(Protect the other person’s dignity and the relationship.)

• Help them maintain face: critique ideas or behaviors, not character.
• Ignore minor lapses in politeness that you can safely ignore.
• Use questions (e.g., “Could you walk me through that?”) rather than blunt corrections when the context allows.