Introspective Questions Can Prevent Conflict
You can prevent conflict from even having a foundation by asking yourself the following questions.
Reflective Questions to Prevent Unnecessary Conflict
On motivation and purpose:
- What am I hoping to accomplish by saying or doing this?
- Is my goal to connect, to prove something, to defend myself, or to punish?
- How likely is it that my goal will be achieved in the way I intend?
On emotional state:
- What feelings am I noticing right now?
- Am I acting out of defensiveness, anger, fear, or curiosity?
- Do I feel an urge to “win” or to “understand”?
On assumptions:
- Am I assuming we both mean the same thing by this term?
- What am I assuming about their intentions—do I have evidence?
- Could there be another explanation for their behavior?
On clarity:
- Have I clearly stated what matters to me?
- Do I know what matters to them? Have I asked?
- Am I speaking from specific observations or vague generalizations?
On framing:
- Is what I’m about to say likely to threaten their sense of identity, autonomy, or status?
- Could I reframe my words to focus on the issue rather than the person?
- Am I using loaded language or making unfavorable comparisons?
On epistemic humility:
- How certain am I that my perspective is correct?
- What’s the strongest argument against my position?
- Could their position also seem coherent from their perspective?
Pocket Reflection: Before You Speak or Act
- What feelings am I noticing right now?
- Am I defensive, angry, afraid, or curious?
- What's important to me here?
- What needs, desires and priorities are involved?
- What am I hoping to accomplish?
- Connection? Clarity? Defense? Punishment?
- How likely is it that my goal will be achieved in the way I intend?
- What do I really know?
- What evidence have I examined (for and against)?
- What’s the strongest argument against my position?
- What might I be assuming?
- Their intentions? Their meaning? Shared experience?
- What question could I ask instead of making a statement?
- How can I show curiosity here?